


We're Both Showing Hearts

by Beth9501



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: AU, Angst, Episode Related, F/M, Romance, The Office, the merger, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:47:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25025656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth9501/pseuds/Beth9501
Summary: It's been months since the Casino Night kiss. Pam is a new woman and can't wait to share her realized feelings with Jim. She's incredibly nervous, but ready for their future to start. Set during the Merger, this is an AU look at what could have happened between Jam.Cross posted from MTT.
Relationships: Pam Beesly/Jim Halpert
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title and other tidbits come from All of Me by John Legend.
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Her head was under water, but she was breathing fine. Pam had spent the better part of the last few months letting herself come to terms with the fact that her and Jim were soulmates. Maybe it was cliche, but she didn’t really care. She knew what her heart felt and that was that all of her loved all of him and nothing would change these feelings she finally processed.

It hadn’t taken long once Jim had transferred to Stamford for her Pam to come to the realization that she might have lost out on her once in a lifetime love. The kind of love that made you feel dizzy after you kissed, overwhelmed with desire, and completely underwater, in over your head. Rather that is what she told herself to get out of bed in the morning. That she was fine, at least. That she could make it through each day that she wasn’t with Jim. Her heart had broken when he’d left. It had been flattened by a truck, splattered across the highway, been ripped out of her body, and shattered like glass. Needless to say, she now saw that when he left her, he took a piece of her with him and she’d felt empty since then.

However, Pam had spent the past few months discovering who she was without Roy and by mistake, without Jim. She’d attempted to work on herself. Maybe if she could learn to love this new version of Pam, Jim could love her once again.

She’d renewed her passion for painting now that she had a spare room in her new apartment to mold into an aspiring artist’s wonderland. Since Roy was no longer in the picture, she felt alive and free like she could become Pam 2.0. She should have never been with Roy and she was proud of herself for standing up for what her heart truly wanted. During this time she would spend her days in the office and her nights getting to know herself once again. What had started as a painful journey had led her to a beautiful destination.

She felt like Jim deserved more than what she could give him at this exact moment. He was it for her, but she wanted to give him a version of herself that he could be proud of. The version of herself that was brave, unwavering in her decisions, and was finally the woman she’d always dreamed she’d become. She hoped that he would see she had become this person. He had loved her before and hoped he’d see how much she now loved herself.

The morning that Jim would return to Scranton, Pam woke up nearly an hour before her alarm went off. It reminded her of the first day of seventh grade. She’d woken up extra early that day to wear the makeup her mom finally agreed she could use. She put on her best outfit and strutted into school ready to turn heads, especially Joey Smith’s. He was her middle school crush and the absolute heartthrob of all the seventh grade girls. Needless to say, she didn’t succeed. However, unlike that day all those years ago, Pam felt like merger day was her second chance at turning Jim’s head and maybe he would realize she was a different woman than when they’d parted. 

Since she’d woken earlier than intended, she spent longer on her hair, practiced breathing techniques to calm her nerves, and channeled Stanley by working on a crossword while she drank her Earl Grey tea. The only thing she had successfully done was overwhelm herself when the caffeine hit her differently and sent her nerves into overdrive. She made a note to pick up decaf Earl Grey since she had a hunch her jitters would be escalated for the foreseeable future.

Her hair wasn’t in complete disarray, but she was having a tough time getting it to cooperate. “Of all the days.” she’d thought to herself. After twenty minutes, she sighed and put it up in her signature half up, half down style, but added a bit of a twist to spruce it up. It wasn’t giving off the image that she had changed, that she was ready for him now, that she now understood his feelings and equally felt them herself. She hoped if her appearance couldn’t do it, maybe he’d see her heart.

Checking her watch and seeing that she had five minutes left before she needed to leave for work, she practiced the deep breathing exercises she’d been working on. In. Out. In. Out. “What if he’s moved on?” In. Out. “I’m definitely not good enough for him.” In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. “He’s everything. Why was I so stupid?.” Pam glanced into the bathroom mirror, her hands gripping the sink as she leaned over it. She was losing her mind. She tried to refocus, but couldn’t jar her thoughts away from the self-doubt that was clogging her thoughts. She decided that acting was the only way she was going to make it through today then. If she couldn’t actually calm herself down, she could attempt to fake it and distance herself. Maybe once Jim got there, her mind and soul would calm as they typically did in his presence. Unlikely though.

At last, it was time to go face whatever the day was going to present her. Whether she felt prepared or emotionally ready to see his smile, hear his deep laugh, or...what if...maybe feel his embrace. She could only hope. But it didn’t matter if she was ready, she was on her way and the day beckoned her forward.

She double checked her lights in the apartment, turning off the kitchen one in her check, opened the front door before locking it behind her, and made her way to start the most intimidating day of her life.

She arrived at the mostly empty office fifteen minutes later, pulling in half an hour prior to when most of her coworkers would show up. In this case she was able to have her pick of spots and chose one closer to the back corner where the trees could shield her should she need to escape to cry in her car in case today blew up in her face. She’d even packed an extra box of face tissue, hiding it on the passenger floorboard. Out of sight, but there just in case.

Gathering her lunch and purse, she made her way towards the office building that held all of her secrets and knew better than she did what today would entail.

She gave a quick wave and said hello to Hank before pressing the up button on the elevator. She was well aware she was the only one here, but she was scared out of her mind. She thought back to Jim, her worst distraction, but her absolute muse. She thought about the art she’d created the last few months. The pieces she’d created were more raw than anything in her past portfolio. Her paintings reflected her dreams with the darker colors swirling around the canvas, her fears represented by the harsh lines that gave way to her hopes shining through with lighter strokes. At least this is what she told herself. Maybe her art was garbage, but Jim had opened her up to feeling again and she had never felt so complete in her craft.

Once by the entrance to Dunder Mifflin, she unlocked the door, switching the lights on. She began prepping the space for the day. While the tasks of setting out the newly purchased jelly beans and brewing Jim’s favorite coffee weren’t glamorous, she hoped he would see the effort she’d put forth in excitement for his return. She’d even coordinated with the vending machine company to ensure that a full supply of grape soda was ready and waiting. She was treating this day as a party, but it was really only for Jim. She set food up in the conference room as a welcome to Scranton party for all, but the only person she cared about being impressed with the spread space was him.

Pam checked the wall clock once she’d completed the opening duties, in five minutes or so she suspected her world would turn upside down. She felt her heart begin to beat faster, was she ready? Was this how people felt before they went skydiving? She wondered if their last thoughts before jumping was that their life would be forever changed or that they might die? She certainly felt that she might die right now.

She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself and opened Minesweeper to take her mind off what may or may not happening. She prepared herself for a complete denial from him. He could have easily moved on once he realized she wasn’t the sun. She’d denied him before so it would only be fair if he had and she couldn’t fault him for that.

She was asked to do a quick talking head regarding her thoughts and feelings for the day. She had plenty, but she reminded herself that her acting skills were going to be taking center stage today in front of the camera crew. She was asked how she felt about new employees that would inhabit the space and how she felt about Jim returning. She knew that she smiled and said something about friendship and how it was always great to see an old friend. She didn’t process what else she said after that, her brain energy focused on not throwing up.

Returning to her desk just in time to see fellow employees make their way in, some saying hello, others still trying to wake up and adjust to harsh lighting, Pam tried to calm herself down. It felt like years had passed since the first employee had walked in. “Who was it?” Pam thought to herself, having not paid any attention, more focused on the flips her stomach was doing.

A few moments passed and she felt her stomach drop. Jim, her Jim opened the door, striding in as if the last time he’d been in this office had been the previous Friday. She caught herself fixing her hair, a wide grin breaking out on her face before she could fully process what was happening as he stepped closer to him

She almost cried when he said “Hi I’m Jim. I’m new here.” It was as if all her fears had washed away with his smile and voice. He was back and she couldn’t contain her excitement.

Her nerves quelled almost instantly and she found herself exclaiming, “Oh my god it’s really you!” She didn’t waste any time before jumping up into his arms, her arms wrapping around his neck. She felt her face warm as he embraced her in a tight hug, his own hands near her breasts. She pulled back slightly and before Pam realized what was happening, her lips were on his. He tasted like coffee and avocado, his lips warm against hers.

Her heart had taken hold of the reins without informing her brain. Once the rest of her realized what had happened, she froze and felt that Jim was also frozen in place as if he’d just come back down to reality, yet he hadn’t moved away from her. This hadn’t been in her plan. He probably thought she was crazy. Maybe she was. These thoughts raced through her head before her brain screamed at her to pull away so as to not make it any more awkward. However, this felt like a mini win for her. She’d finally caught up, their cards on the table, both showing hearts. He’d once risked it all for her and this was her grand gesture for him. An accident, not fully planned, but maybe this was how it was supposed to play out.

She heard a soft cough coming from the right of her and her brain snapped out of it. They pulled back, their eyes both half closed, each of them relishing in the depth of change that now resided between them.

She stepped back, blushing profusely before mumbling out a quick, “it’s good to see you” and moved quickly to behind her desk, trying to use her hair to hide behind to avoid the stares of disbelief and shock of those in the office. She took a quick peek at Jim who was visibly trying to process what had just happened as well. His face was unreadable. She also saw another woman with darker hair from the Stamford branch staring at her with an intensity she could only describe as full rage. She’d been at work half an hour and already felt like she needed a good cry. She glanced up to see Jim now staring intently at his computer, his blush still very visible. Willing tears away, she mentally prepared herself for downing a bottle of wine on her couch tonight and calling in sick tomorrow morning.


	2. Chapter 2

He was in over his head, that’s for sure. He felt as if the water kept rising and no matter how hard he fought, he was struggling to breathe. Jim had spent the past few months trying to reinvent himself. There had been countless mornings where he would grip the sink, stare into the mirror and will himself to let go of the unrequited love. He had known what his heart felt, but she didn’t feel it and there was no use fighting the inevitable. It was easier to move on for both of them.

Once Jim transferred to Stamford, he tried to put distance between the person he was in Scranton, or rather the woman he’d fallen hopelessly in love with. It was the kind of love that woke him up in the middle of the night tossing and turning with the memories they shared. It was the kind of love that made him question everything he knew. He was aware that when you loved someone it was supposed to feel like you were floating, elated, and happy. Yet, the only times he felt anything at all was during the 9-5. Once he would make his way home, the couch and beer would call him granting his wishes to escape the lonely, empty feelings from 5:01 pm each night until the next time he saw her face.

Jim had spent his time getting to know Stamford a bit more. He’d added some muscle by working out at the gym as a way to put his focus anywhere but on her and the wedding he’d never be a part of. While running, he would lie to his reflection in the gym mirror saying that he was over her. If she didn’t want him then she wasn’t his. After a while he’d brainwashed himself enough to half-way believe it. She was crazy and he was clearly out of his mind thinking he’d ever have a chance to begin with.

Aside from general gym activities, he’d joined numerous pickup basketball games. Yet every time he played, the games just reminded him of the one time he spent trying to impress the receptionist during a stupid work procrastination game. It depressed him. The sport he’d gone to love became a dread and he soon found himself lifting weights as the pain he felt from those numbed the pain in his soul. He’d even begun to read more in an attempt to educate his mind. Again, it was a coping mechanism because as soon as the book hit his nightstand and he’d turned over onto his side, his thoughts raced with memories of her once more.

He deserved more than what Pam could give him. He longed for companionship, someone who loved him as much as he would cherish them. He thought that it would have been her, but it hadn’t and he now faced the harsh realities of a world without her. So she wasn’t his person. He didn’t believe in soulmates anymore. He’d only started to think there was something to it once his bond with Pam grew stronger, but once she ripped his heart out, he’d realized he needed to be an adult and let go of such childish fantasies. 

The morning that he was set to return to the Scranton office, he rolled out of his empty, cold bed and set his feet on the ground an hour before his alarm was set to go off. “Of course.” he’d mumbled to no one in particular. He and Karen had agreed to sleep in their separate spaces the night before so each could have a fresh start. Really Jim wanted a way to gather any lingering thoughts or distractions in a place where he could shove them into the depths of his mind effectively numbing himself. He only cared what he looked like today because he wanted to be professional. He’d begun keeping his sleeves rolled down while in Stamford and decided to continue that here. He’d only started because they air conditioned the building within an inch of everyone’s lives. However, he noticed most adults kept their sleeves rolled down and he was just that. A boring adult. So might as well embrace it. 

He walked into his kitchen, still in disarray from moving, and found his favorite coffee mug packed on top of the stiff cardboard box labeled “kitchen items”. He recalled a time in his life where he would have written funny things on the sides of the boxes to make moving seem more interesting, but these days he just didn’t have that kind of energy. 

He started up the coffee maker and waited for the drink to be ready. He leaned up against the counter, his t-shirt and boxers offering zero warmth in the frigid apartment. Everything about his life felt cold, bleary, and rigid. He missed the warmth so he rewarded himself with it, almost as a consolation prize for the life he was living. He toasted some bread and swiped a square of butter, watching it melt. He got lost in his thoughts and began thinking of the butter melting into the bread and compared it to his own life. He usually just let himself melt into the background. He was always the best friend. The nice guy. Rarely the guy who put himself out there. If a lady thought he was attractive, he let them come to him. He just wasn't the kind of guy who went after someone. Until he had been and well, that hadn’t ended well. So he was back to square one.

As Jim’s sense continued to wake up, a sense of panic began to flow through his veins. He hadn’t seen her in months. Would she still want him? Did he care? Maybe they could be friends again. No, that wasn’t good either. He paced in his kitchen, his coffee mug in his left hand and his right in his hair. He tried to remember the breathing techniques his mom helped him with when he got test anxiety in middle school. In. Out. In. Out. She probably didn’t think of him anymore. In. Out. She never told him about canceling her wedding. In. He missed her. Out. He would never let on. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Maybe once he saw her, his nerves would calm. Surely he’d just built this all up in his mind. There was no way she was thinking about him. He continued this downward cycle of thoughts throughout his morning routine. 

Securing the knot on his tie, he sighed. It was time to head in. Karen had decided she wanted to drive in on her own this morning. Something about them needing to maintain professionalism and not wanted to seem “overly coupley”. Whatever, he didn’t care. It was probably best considering the battle going on within.

He turned to do a quick assessment of his apartment. Lights? Off...and if they weren’t, well, he’d find out at 5:20 tonight. He viewed the state of his space as if he were an outsider. His boxes remained unpacked, the walls were bare, and his bed was in the corner on the floor. Yet, he felt nothing. The only thought that crossed his mind as he locked the door behind him was just surviving and if he could make it out of the swell alive and breathing, then all would be fine.

His drive to work felt like it lasted years instead of twenty minutes. Thankfully the traffic wasn’t bad and the music wasn’t completely horrid. His thoughts ranged from first day jitters to wondering what he’d done in a previous life to land him back in his own personal hell. Seriously though, what had he done? He had done everything to get out of Scranton. He had no future here and it was obvious. It was as if the universe had decided his life sucked so might as well add a suck-ton more of it to top it off.

When he arrived at the office, his old parking spot was still open. He noticed a new blue Yaris toward the back and wondered if a warehouse worker had gotten a new car. It could only be them or Hank. No one else willingly parked that far away from the door. He stared ahead at nothing, willing the minutes to take longer so he could avoid his greatest nightmare. He’d actually had nightmares about this exact moment so that fact that he was indeed awake terrified him even more. He felt his pulse quicken and mouth go dry. He wasn’t ready for this no matter the amount of lies he told to his inner demons.

He gathered his lunch and messenger bag, making his way towards the office building that knew all his confessions, yet held the secrets for what today would hold.

He nodded to Hank who barely glanced up from his paper before pressing the up button on the elevator. He could hear Kelly laughing somewhere and hoped it was just the echo in the elevator shaft as she got off at the stop and made her way far away from him. The last thing he needed was her freaking out over him for no reason. That would increase his stress and wasn’t needed.

As the elevator dinged, his mind took him to places the cameras had never seen. It was an afternoon before the documentary crew had started, mid winter. Pam had found Roy flirting with another woman at Poor Richards the night before. Jim had found her crying in the break room during lunch. Nothing too intense, but waterworks that told him her heart was hurting. He had suggested that they take a walk. He loved their walks together. They’d go whenever either one of them had a high stress day. He recalled her breaking down in the elevator, her sobs breaking every so often. She asked him what Roy didn’t see in her and all he’d wanted to respond with was that even when she was crying she was beautiful. It was a shame Roy never saw it, but Jim knew.

The doors opened and he heard commotion happening from within Dunder Mifflin. It was probably another one of Michael’s antics. Another reason he’d wanted to stay as far away as possible from Scranton. Michael was a lot to handle and Jim was sure his blood pressure was heightened from dealing with the daily problems he created. He held back, not wanting the next five minutes to happen. He knew that once he set foot in that office, he’d be back to square one. Everyone knew him as the lovesick man. The guy who couldn’t have any girl he wanted. They would remember. Worse, she would remember. 

He took a moment to check for his water bottle and granola bar. Anything to procrastinate the inevitable. He was evolved, or so he lied to himself about. It’d all been a part of the Jim 2.0 plan. Eat healthy. Exercise often. Mentally detach from your broken heart.

He took a deep breath and pushed the door open just in time to be rushed by Michael saying something along the lines of getting rid of his kind. He wasn’t sure because now all he heard was ringing in his ears. It was happening. His blue striped scarf caused him to break out in a sweat. God, when did it get so hot in here? He responded to Michael and although wasn’t sure what he said, it got Micheal to leave him alone and introduce himself to Martin. There was a two person buffer between him and his Pam. Dammit, not his. Never his. God, she looked beautiful. He was sure that she wouldn’t have wanted him to see her fix her curls, but he was acutely aware of everything she did. 

With Martin and Michael finally out of the way, he stepped up to reception. He’d rehearsed what he was going to say a hundred times so when it came out as, “Hi, I’m Jim. I’m new here.” He wanted to bang his head against the wall. Who says something so lame after months of not seeing the woman he absolutely did not and never would love again? Apparently one who was way in over their head and wanted to give themselves a mini throwback to introducing themselves to girls at thirteen years old.

So when Pam jumped up with so much glee and wrapped her arms around his neck, he couldn’t help it when he embraced her in a hug that screamed it was a more than friendly touch. His mind went blank when he realized how close his hands were to her breasts and hoped she hadn’t noticed. He hadn’t meant to do it and hoped she wouldn’t slap him. He felt her pull back slightly. His brain didn’t have time to process the next millisecond before her lips met his. 

Her smooth lips warmed his winter chilled ones. She tasted like honey and tea. It was better than the kiss they’d shared months prior. It exceeded all the fantasies he’d had of her leading up to this moment. The ones he pushed to the back of his mind when he was with Karen. Oh shit, Karen. He froze, his thought process still blocked enough to know this was bad, but his heart commanding his body to not separate. This was crazy. They were crazy. Both of their hearts were finally exposed. All the cards were on the table now. 

He heard someone cough and everything clicked. He backed away from her slightly, his eyes feeling heavy and his heart feeling light. Everything had changed in a moment.

She stepped back further from him, mumbled that it was good to see him and moved behind her desk leaving him to venture into the office of stares. He moved towards his old desk, a name tag on display for him to know that this belonged to him he guessed? He glanced towards Karen who was glaring at Pam, but snapped her eyes towards him. She was clearly pissed and had every right to be. What the hell had just happened? He made plans to talk with Karen tonight and then talk with Pam. Maybe if the night still allowed he could have a beer, or three. He figured he’d be calling in sick tomorrow anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

Once the spectacle had settled down and the office got back into the regular swing of the morning activities, Pam had quietly slipped out of the door, ready to make use of her car parked in the darkened corner. She figured she could justify up to twenty minutes where no one could see her let the tears flow. 

She’d noticed the newer Stamford woman staring daggers prior to leaving. She didn’t know what her problem could be but soon found out. Pam had hardly made it out of the building’s exit before the woman stopped her. She called after Pam and caused her to stop and turn to face her. 

“My name is Karen.” The woman began. 

The last thing that Pam wanted to do was introduce herself to the transfers. They shouldn’t be seeing her like this...all emotional. It was lacking professionalism and she was nothing if not professional. Pam responded the best she could, hoping her tears would hold off just a tad longer. She was so close to her car, could Karen leave her alone?

Karen took a step towards her, before confidently informing Pam that her and Jim were together. Pam felt like the world had been knocked off its axis. She felt her body go into shock, her stomach churning at this new and terrible news. She wished she’d never kissed Jim. She suddenly felt as if she were in high school again. There was the brief period of time when her and Roy had broken up and he’d dated the head Cheerleader, Christie. She’d said something similar to Pam as Karen just had. Pam recalled feeling as if her world had ended. Everything she’d known seemed duller, less exciting. She thought that she’d never feel worse and in this moment she understood how incorrect she was. This was certainly worse.

“Okay.” was all Pam was able to muster up before turning quickly on her heel and rushing towards her car where she allowed herself twenty minutes of heart-wrenching sobs. She wasn’t surprised he’d moved on. Why wouldn’t he have? She was nothing and he finally saw it for himself. Her tears leaked onto her shirt, streaking down the front. She debated leaving work. Run away from it all. However, deciding against that, she leaned her head against the steering wheel, trying to get the spinning to stop and the sobs to soften.

Once her self-imposed crying time limit was up, she did her best to put herself back together using the review mirror. Red faced, puffy eyes, no makeup, and sad looking hair made her look like the poster child for a romantic life gone wrong. She swiped on some lip gloss from her center console in an attempt to put herself back together on the outside. No need in allowing Jim or Karen to see just how true of a mess she was.

Opening the door to her car and stepping out, she leaned against the frame, trying to steady her breath and not succeeding. No matter what she did, she was a different person than when she’d left home.

Twenty five minutes had passed. Dwight was easily eager to send a search party out for her in the next thirty seconds if she didn’t head in. 

She pushed away from the frame and slammed the door shut. She made a note to take up kickboxing classes to start taking her frustrations out at. Her car payments were much too pricey to subject it to her anger. 

In her haste to get out of the office, she’d forgotten her coat and scarf. She shivered as she crossed the lot towards the door. No doubt there was a camera on her from some angle. That had been part of reasoning for parking in the corner by the shrubbery. Even in the winter they did provide a bit of privacy. Some days she really hated the documentary crew and having knowledge that her friends and family would one day see yet another moment of overly emotional Pam made her stomach turn more.

The handle to the door was freezing and startled her out of her thoughts, but she opened it quickly and was comforted by the heat that surrounded her. She ventured back past Hank’s desk, up the elevator, and through the office doors. Jim and Karen were nowhere to be seen. Honestly, that was perfect. She could slip back into the reception desk and continue her work.

This didn’t last long as she glanced up when she heard the door from the kitchen slam open and see Karen nearly run out, grab her belongings, and stop by Michael’s office to inform him that the move to Stamford had been a mistake. She glared at Pam once more before she rushed out of the office undoubtedly going to let her emotions run rampant in her car now.

A camera man followed Karen out presumably to get a talking head about what the hell had just happened. Pam’s shocked face garnered the attention of the crew because she was immediately ushered into the conference room and still Jim was nowhere to be found.

Staring at her fiddling fingers in her lap, Pam informed the interviewer that no she didn’t know Karen and she didn’t know why she rushed out. They asked her about Jim and eyes widened, yet didn’t look up because she knew if she did her tears would spring back. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt Jim and she felt like her kiss this morning and hurt him now that his girlfriend had left.

Pam acknowledged she was a bit insane though. Jim was hers...kind of, however, if he was hurting because of Karen, he wasn’t really hers and she wanted to still be his friend first and foremost. 

The door to the conference room had remained opened so she overheard Dwight saying something about Jim’s girlfriend and then Jim responding that they weren’t together anymore. He didn’t normally talk this loud. It was almost as if he’d done it on purpose. She looked up from her lap, a smile forming on her lips and she bit her lower lips just a tad and felt the tears welling up yet again. This was the most she’d ever cried in the office before and hopefully the last time she would.

The interviewer asked her about Jim again. Standing up, she told them they’d always be friends and left the room to go sit back at her desk.

After the eventful morning, a calm lunch and quiet afternoon offered Pam a bit of a reset and relaxation period. Her and Jim hadn’t talked anymore, but that was expected due to the circumstances of merger day. He had clients to take care of and Pam had paperwork to fill out, then refill out as Stamford transfers quit one by one.

When the clock hit 5:00 pm, Pam held back. She didn’t want to be the first one to leave. Her stomach had settled since this morning, but her mind was still racing. Leaving as if nothing had happened would just chalk this morning up to an utter loss. At 5:17 pm, Oscar gathered his belongings and left the documentary crew, Pam, and Jim to themselves. Pam was straightening her desk as she’d been doing all day in between her actual work. It didn’t really need straightening, but it made her look busy. She was sitting on the edge of her seat hoping Jim would say something...anything really. The documentary crew finished cleaning up, pausing at the door, each of the crew glancing between Pam and Jim equally waiting for one to make a move, but neither did. 

Pam noticed, but didn’t want to make it obvious. Finally it was just the two of them. Pam waited until 5:41 pm and Jim hadn’t said anything. Down again, she tried to remember which liquor store was the closest to her on the drive home. Was it Jason’s or The Tumbleweed? Pam felt the heat rising in her body at the thought of the two of them alone in here. It had happened numerous times when she was with Roy, but now she was free to think of every fantasy and dream she’d had that had taken place in this very room with him. No matter now, he needed time. She understood. 

Shutting her computer down and moving around the desk, she walked slower than normal towards the door, waiting, anticipating Jim might say something to her. When she reached the door handle, it became apparent he wouldn’t. With a sad sigh, she pushed out towards the hallway where the radio was playing on a cd player being used by the janitorial crew down the hallway.

She walked swiftly towards the elevator, ripping her stifling gray cardigan off in the process. When had this place become so warm she wondered to herself? Once she’d escaped the confines of the office, she got lost in her mile-a-minute thoughts and didn’t notice who had followed her out. It wasn’t until the larger, more masculine hand gently covered hers as she was pressing the down button that she realized. She paused, feeling like a deer who had been caught stealing blueberries from an orchard. She felt her breath become shallow and began to perspire even more. Her stomach dropped and her temple throbbed momentarily. Was this what an anxiety attack felt like? Had she been in any other state she could have laughed at herself. Where had the fancy new version she’d created of Pam gone? The person standing in front of the elevator was the opposite of the one who’d spent the summer taking art classes or the fall learning French cooking. The person she was coming off as in this moment was the cowardly girl she’d been last spring. In that moment she made a choice. So she turned to face him.

Jim had closed in on her. When she turned, their bodies were flush against one another. Now staring at the knot on his tie, she was terrified to look up for she feared when she did he wouldn’t be looking at her the way he once had. In the months leading up to this moment she’d imagined something similar, but it never happened at the office and always ended with him in her bed. This moment didn’t feel like it was going to end like that. Rather than drag it out any longer, she glanced up. She saw the tortured look in Jim’s eyes and heard the ding of the elevator. She turned quickly to board it and didn’t allow herself to seem surprised when he followed.

She followed the path out of the elevator, past Hank’s station, and back out the doors towards her car. She felt Jim’s presence behind her, but just in case she was going crazy, her ears picked up on the footsteps her trained hearing knew were his. She stopped at her car’s drivers side, unlocked the door, then gracefully sat in the seat, unlocking the passenger side.

The door unlatched, opened, then shut again. The car swayed slightly with the additional intrusion. She had been holding her eyes steady on the dashboard and finally dared to face him. She saw his Adam's apple bob slightly as he swallowed, his eyes with a slight sheen on them, the corner of his mouth rising a tad on the right hand side. He looked like he was trying to hold himself together and his emotions were getting the better of him. She could understand him as the thoughts that flew through her mind were going a mile a minute, the sweat gathering a bit at the small of her back. It may have been chilly outside, but her body was on fire as her mind attempted to make sense of what was happening.

She sucked a breath in as he leaned in towards her. His lips touched her once more and she gave herself over to him. His left hand took residence in her hair, his thumb grazing the apple of her cheek. Her right hand rose to his face, brushing his forearm in the process. She felt him shiver, his mouth becoming more urgent. His tongue swiped gently across her bottom lip begging her to open to him. She couldn’t think of an excuse not to and granted him his wish. Opening up to him, she felt herself move in closer, wishing the center console wasn’t separating them, but really wasn’t that typical? There was always something separating them and as she felt the reverberations of his quiet moan, she desired that they were not in the office parking lot, but in a space that they could be alone together. Finally. After all this time.

Their lips moved in unison, their hands raking up one another’s bodies as much as the space would allow. Pam heard herself moan Jim’s name and he groaned. Making a snap decision to risk it all she whispered, “Come home with me,” barely audible, afraid of him saying no. So when he responded that he’d follow her anywhere, the tears that sprang to her eyes told a story of love, lost, and hope for the future.


	4. Chapter 4

Not long after the kiss, Jim saw Pam leave. He’d wanted to chase after her, hold her close, and promise to cherish her for the rest of their lives. He remained frozen in fear though as he knew something else still needed to be checked off prior to him making her his forever. A few moments later he saw Karen slip out and figured that like both Pam and him, she needed a breath of fresh air to figure out just what had happened. He needed to talk to her before the day was over. 

It wasn’t long before Karen came back up stairs and sat in her chair once more. A few moments later he received an IM from her that they needed to meet immediately. He had been dreading this moment because he didn’t want to hurt Karen further than he already had. He felt his body react to the nerves that were building up. He wasn’t the kind of person to Karen that he had been in the past. This version of Jim had led a woman on, somehow convinced her that moving to a different state wasn’t a terrible idea, and essentially used her. All unintentional, but these were the consequences of his rash decisions and convincing of that he’d done.

He glanced to his left seeing that Karen’s chair was empty. He was unsure where he’d find her, but figured she was new here and didn’t know the really great hiding spaces yet. Those were only the ones he’d shared with Pam. Yet another thing that connected them. 

He didn’t look back at Pam when he pushed away from his own desk knowing that if he saw her, he’d go running towards her and ultimately forgetting the one person that stood in their way. Why had there always been someone standing between them? One conversation and they could finally start their lives together. A fresh renewal. His heart felt guilty that he’d thought of Karen as just someone standing in the way of his happiness. He hated the person that he’d become and only hoped he’d find his way back to the person he desired to be.

While looking to see where she’d gone, he acted as if his only goal was finding coffee. He intended to keep as much of his personal life just that, personal. Out of earshot from his coworkers and preferably off camera. 

Stepping into the kitchen he smelled his favorite hazelnut blend. Surely put on by Pam. He knew her well enough to know she thought about the details like this. He couldn’t recall anyone in his life paying such close attention to him. He was addicted. This spurred him on further to find Karen. 

When he didn’t find her chatting with Toby or maybe getting a bottle of water from the vending machine, he ventured out into the stairwell. It was unmistakable that the sharp inhales and sniffles were coming from her. He felt like scum for making someone feel like this and was ready for her wrath that he so deserved. 

She was perching on the top step, one flight down and glared at him as he tentatively stepped down towards her to break it off. It was no or nev-.

“You’re a real ass, Halpert.” He was. He knew. He stared at his feet, his arms crossed in front of his chest, feeling like he was closing her out for good. If this was how she needed it to end, then that was the least he could give her.

“I know.” He heard himself meekly respond. He figured he would always carry a bit of this for the rest of his life. He wasn’t the type of person who let others down. Karen had always struck him as unbreakable and he understood that he’d broken her heart. While not an overly emotional person, she’d let him in when he never deserved to know her. He saw that cross her face while the tears continued to stream down her face, leaving streaks on her buttoned up shirt.

“In case it wasn’t obvious, we’re no longer together.” She spat out before standing up quickly and pushing past him to head back into the office.

He leaned against the cool stairwell wall and felt a weight lift off her shoulders. Sighing out a deep breath, he smiled slightly to himself. He wasn’t pleased with the person he had become in Stamford, but if it meant that he could finally get something right and be with the one he loved, then everything would end how it was supposed to. 

Minutes passed as he let himself get lost in his thoughts. When Pam had told him, “I can’t” and he’d met Karen, he’d thought she was damn near perfect. She was driven, nice, and made him start feeling like the adult he knew he was supposed to transition into. He’d pushed the thoughts of Pam and all of her perfect imperfections to the back of his mind. She was driven, but not the same way he was. She loved playing pranks with him and therefore, it never felt like they were being stuffy adults. 

The longer Jim stood there, the more he remembered how happy he’d always been with Pam. She’d always brought out the kid in him. Continuously reminding him that it was okay to have fun with life. It wasn’t that Karen wasn’t great, she just wasn’t great for him. He knew she’d make someone exceptionally happy one day and while she had made him happy, he knew that he never felt with Karen what he was confident he’d always feel with Pam.

It may have been a sad attempt to reassure himself that he wasn’t the absolute worst person in the world, but he had to do what he thought was right. It wasn’t never right what he did to Karen, but leading her on would have been much worse. He knew there was something much better on the horizon for them both.

Snapping out of it, Jim moved his eyes downward to check his watch. Twenty five minutes had passed. He chuckled thinking of the fun he could play on Dwight if he decided to send a search party out to find him. 

He started up the stairs slowly. His bundles of nerves were not producing the same level of adrenaline as they had this morning, but they were not subsiding in their intensity as much as he would like. He needed to find a Tums if he was going to survive the rest of the day. He had a feeling that today was going to end much different than it had begun and he needed to be on his a-game.

As he calmly strolled back into the bullpen, he saw different employees staring at him and walked past Karen’s empty desk. He kept his face emotionless, but knew what had happened. Add her to the list of Stamford-ites who hadn’t even made it to lunch. Although this one was entirely his fault, not Michael’s. 

He heard Pam’s soft voice coming from the conference room. He wanted to know exactly what they were asking her though he was sure he could figure it out for himself. Straining to hear, his focus was interrupted by Dwight asking about Karen. Knowing what Pam needed right now, he raised his voice just enough to inform Dwight that he and Karen were not together. He could hear her breath hitch in the interview and smiled to himself. He heard a quiet sniff and wanted to kiss away the tears he knew were welling up in this moment. 

Right before she walked back towards reception he heard her tell the interviewer that her and Jim would always be friends. His heart stopped momentarily at her words, thinking it had all been for nothing, but his brain registered the tone and inflection she’d responded in and he knew this was different. For an untrained ear, it would have seemed like a friendly response, but for Jim it was the greenlight he needed. For once maybe they could have something to themselves without the cameras and everyone else in their business.

Jim spent the remainder of the morning staying to himself and focusing on what he was there to do. He knew that if he went to talk with her now, he’d never leave her side. He figured that the best thing to do was suffer a few more hours without knowing for sure where they stood. If everything went well and she accepted him, then tonight would be filled with a lot of talking and maybe fighting as they released the anguish and guilt both of them held onto. They’d both hurt one another so deeply that he just hoped that they’d be able to come together and this morning hadn’t just been a fluke of passion. While he didn’t venture outside the boundaries of his desk much, he always knew when Pam was there and when she wasn’t. His radar had been tuned to her. No amount of distance could have permanently stopped it.

When 5:00 pm struck, Jim was cursing himself. He still had some work to finish up. This day had been insane to start out with and playing catch up for the remaining of the morning and afternoon. He saw her out of his peripheral vision. His mind began to make this a game of who would leave first. It was the ultimate game of chicken, but he was tired of playing games. He just wanted to know if he should rejoice or change jobs and move to another region of the country completely. He wouldn’t be able to take another rejection. His heart had shattered once and if it happened again, he figured starting over would be the only option completely.

At 5:17 pm, Oscar left him, Pam, and the documentary crew to themselves. He felt a camera trained on him, but after a few years of practice he had become great at tuning them out. He hoped that he lackluster energy would confirm to them that nothing else was going to go down today and that they could leave. They both had a lot of work to complete. Nothing exciting to see here.

At 5:41 pm, the crew finally got the hint, packed up their belongings, and left. It was now just the two of them and Pam still hadn’t made notice of him. He wondered where the nearest bar was that he could go and drown his sorrows away. He wanted her so bad and now his mind was playing tricks on him. He knew her well enough, but was still unsure if this was her playing the same game as him or an entirely different one. His mind continued to wander and he felt himself begin to blush as thoughts of her in his bed came to his mind. 

When she rose out of her chair after shutting her computer down, he slowly did the same. He heard the door handle twist open and then shut seconds later. He hastily grabbed his jacket from near the reception desk, and sped after her. He briefly registered a song playing somewhere off in the distance.

He didn’t know exactly what his plan was, but he needed her. Every part of her was so entirely made for him. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He didn’t want to scare her, but they’d spent so long chasing each other, he wanted to finally catch her and not have an “I can’t” standing in the way. 

While behind her, his thoughts raced, a new one popping up each second. The way her hips swayed as she walked swiftly towards the elevator; the way her body moved as she ripped off her cardigan. He bit his lip at that image wishing it were him who’d done the ripping instead. 

She hadn’t noticed him behind her until he caught up with her, placing his hand over her petite one as she pressed the down button on the elevator.

She froze and he stilled while noticing how her breathing faltered. His mind went blank and he acted on instinct. He wasn’t sure who this version of him was. He wasn’t the kind of man who actively went after something he wanted. The only person who made him feel like this was her. The high that she gave him was unlike anything else. He was addicted to every feature she allowed him to see and desired to know her unlike anyone else had. 

Needing to close the tiny gap between them, he moved in closer. In that moment she’d decided to turn and face him. Their bodies were flush together and he thought if he died now, he would have accomplished his life goal.

She wouldn’t make eye contact with him, but her staring at his tie made him start to sweat. When had it become so ungodly hot in this building, he thought for the umteenth time today.  
The silence between them said more than words ever could. This was the big crescendo of their relationship. The tension between them was palpable. He wanted to reach out to her, just to make sure this wasn’t another fever dream he was having. He needed to know that she was real and whatever this was wouldn’t end with his alarm letting him know his life still hadn’t begun.

She glanced up and his heart leapt. He saw the same look in her eyes that he was pretty positive were in his. The ding of the elevator arriving interrupted them both and when she turned to board, he followed.

He let her lead him out, past Hank’s desk and towards her car. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was trailing after her like this and momentarily thought how creepy it must seem, but his brain didn’t tell him to stop and his heart knew something big was about to happen. 

When she moved towards the driver’s side door, he mimicked her actions on the passenger side. He waited patiently as she quickly got settled and unlocked his door. When the car had settled from them both adjusting, he looked towards where her eyes were trained on the dashboard. She finally moved to face him. Their eyes connected and he swallowed, suddenly feeling more nervous than he’d ever in his life. His mind was a whirlpool of memories of every time he’d been nervous, his brain wanting to let him know he’d been like this before, but he came to a quick realization that he’d never been more nervous than he was in this moment. His palms were sweaty, his brain felt like it was short circuiting, and he was positive if someone asked him his name, he wouldn’t know.

In that moment he did the only thing his body instinctively knew what to do. He leaned over the console, wishing he could rip it out of their way, heard her suck a breath in as her body responded to his, and joined their lips together. He reached up to let his hand lose itself in the soft feeling of her golden curls. He’d been dreaming about being the one who could caress them all day, really since the day he’d met her. His thumb grazed the top of her warm cheek. She responded in kind, but brushed his forearm in the process. He shivered at her touch and kissed her more urgently, striving to make up for the time they had lost. He swiped his tongue against her bottom lip begging her to open up for him. She did and the moan that escaped his lips felt like the most natural response to her.

They moved together and it felt like two puzzle pieces that had gone missing from the game, but when found and placed, created a complete picture. He had never been more in sync with someone in his life.

Pam sensually breathed out his name in a way he was sure would be ingrained in his mind forever. His own voice emitting a similar response. She then pulled back just enough, her lips feeling feather light on his, and whispered, “Come home with me” almost unsure like she was certain he’d say no. It was quiet and sweet yet left him feeling on top of the world. He whispered back that he’d follow her anywhere. He knew in his heart she could lead him off a mountain and he’d tumble down that with her too.


	5. Chapter 5

Pam was sure that in the moments before something undeniably life changing happens, you sensed it with your whole being. She’d only felt it one other time in her life and it was in those sweet, tender moments of build up when Jim had told her he was in love with her. At this point, the world moved in slow motion while her thoughts sped at an alarming rate as they had been doing all day. It was a miracle that she’d been able to accomplish anything at all today with Jim sitting close. 

Minutes passed as they made plans, kissed, agreed on said plans, then allowed themselves to get caught up in one another, their hands never leaving each other. It took them a restrained moment to break apart before they’d breathlessly agreed to drive to her apartment separately, smiles wide on both faces. 

Pam felt dizzy like she was on a magical ride only Jim could take her on. As Jim exited her car, his flush was evident on his neck as it crept up his face. In his hurry to get out of her car into his own, he bumped into the door, cursing to himself then chuckling softly. They didn’t need the cameras or their coworkers in any business by leaving Jim’s car at the office overnight. 

The drive home was short and it allowed Pam to sort through her emotions undisturbed. Today had been a whirlwind from start to finish which led her into thinking of 10 hours prior in her apartment. Was her apartment in a good state for Jim to see? What was about to happen? She had meticulously thought over this moment many times, but had concluded it would never happen. She’d never thought that this moment would be happening after work and today of all days. In fact, up until this morning her friendship with Jim felt like it had been a figment of her imagination, her subconscious overcompensating for the lack of male friends in her life.

Pam checked her rearview mirror quickly before switching her right blinker on and changing lanes. She was too nervous for her own good and her shaking hands on the steering wheel did little to reassure her that this was a good idea. Her emotions and heart, however, were cheering her on and confirming that whatever was about to happen was a step in the right direction. They needed this. Whatever this was exactly.

She glanced back once more before turning her right blinker on one more time to see Jim repeat her steps in his own car. She wasn’t positive, but he looked as lovesick as she felt. Her heart felt like it might fail any moment and she wondered if there would ever be a time where it would calm down. 

As she turned onto her street and pulled into the 1980’s apartment complex, the reality of what was about to happen sunk in a bit, but she’d been waiting for this moment for so long that she didn’t want to think, just act. She knew it might be a rash decision, but she’d spent her entire life carefully considering every option before acting. This moment of free will felt unrestricted and like the first quality choice she’d made in a long time. Her heart was calling the shots for once.

Jim was out of his car and by her drivers side before she’d fully put hers in park, his slim fingers nervously tapping on the door frame as her own shaky hands moved her seatbelt off. His eyes told a story of desire and longing. She was certain hers rivaled his energy.

She quickly grabbed her belongings and told him to follow her. He walked behind her silently, his hands awkwardly stuffed into his pockets. The weight of the world felt like it was crushing them as they embarked on the unknown.

The air stilled as they made their way to her front step into her apartment. She felt the wind shift and smiled to herself. The wind was on their side, representing the ever changing dynamic of their relationship. When it switched directions it was as if the universe was telling her how life changing this moment was. Pam had never been a spiritual person, but that moment made her consider changing her stance.

They’d spent years chasing each other in circles, neither catching up until Jim turned around and ran smack into her, finally colliding their lives to become one. It took Pam a bit to gain consciousness from the hit, but now that she was awake and he was there, she was ready to dive into the deep end with him.

As they reached her door, Jim rested his left hand tentatively on her shoulder, his fingers setting her skin on fire. His right rested on her waist, his thumb moving in soft circles where it met her back. After everything they’d been through today, this gesture calmed Pam’s ever growing nerves.

She pressed the key into the lock, twisting it to the right and finally her door snapped open. Jim’s more masculine right hand left her waist and pressed the door open on her upper right, but Pam was the one who kicked it back into place once they’d made it inside.

Her skin felt like it would melt and the cells in her body were hyper-aware of him and only him. She dropped her bag at her feet as her hands reached for the end of his tie, pulling him towards her.

With her back against the door, he pressed into her, his lips seeking hers once again. She could feel the muscle under his shirt that he virtually hid; see the way his arms flexed as they moved in her peripheral vision; hear the way his body was responding to hers by way of his mouth.

His hands were now placed firmly above her and their bodies molded together. They groaned at the close contact and Pam felt the fireworks going off in her body and wondered how much she could take before she would combust.

Their lips drank each other in as if they were the last sip of water on Earth. Pam moved her head to the left as she sucked in a deep breath. Jim took the opportunity to worship her jawline and pulse points, sucking gently and biting slightly.

Pam sighed at the immense pleasure he brought her and he brought his arms to hers, pulling them back up, holding her against the door. She was sure she’d never been more turned on in her life.

She wondered to herself why she’d been nervous about anything. This was Jim of course and he knew her like no one had ever before. He paid attention to the whimpers that came from her mouth and adjusted his tactics along the way. 

While her hands were above her, she moved them to interlace Jim’s fingers. He held onto her tightly and she hoped he’d never let go and pull her under with him.

Pam was wrapped up in the feeling he was giving her and hadn’t realized he was in her ear talking and had to ask him to repeat it.

“You’re so incredible. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” He murmured and it left her shivering.

“I think I have an idea of sorts.” she smiled back before his kisses left her breathless.

____________________________________________________________________________

An hour later, they were letting their breathing return to normal and Pam felt his nose nuzzling into her neck, leaving soft kisses on her shoulder.

Tangled up in the sheets with him, Pam was certain this was the calmest and coolest she’d been all day. Jim had been the tall drink of water to cool the fire within her she’d been taming for months.

Her skin prickled as he held her from behind, his right arm drifting gently up and down her arm, ensuring he memorized every inch of her as if she’d disappear before his eyes.

She sighed, moving her body into him closer as his breath tickled her cheek, reminding her of a sweet, spring breeze.

Both were spent from the afternoon activities. Neither had done too much verbal talking as their bodies communicated everything that needed to be said in this exact moment.

Breaking the moment, Pam turned over, covering her chest in the process as she was suddenly feeling shy almost as if the last hour had never happened. Jim gave her a slight smile as he gently pulled the sheets away, reveled in her curves, and pulled her close towards him, leading tears to sting her eyes. She’d never felt this type of connection with anyone and here he was showing her that she needn't be insecure. His next words confirmed this when he whispered into the now dark room, “I love you”.

Her breath caught and she knew this was a big moment for him. He was taking a chance once again. The difference between this time and last was that she didn’t have her past knocking on her door waiting for a response. She didn’t have the self-pressure telling her “she couldn’t”. No, this time all Pam had was the courage she wished she’d had months ago.

She felt Jim’s grip on her hip tighten a bit as he himself stiffened at her silence she was sure he mistook as rejection, but they relaxed once more when her tears overflowed onto her cheeks and she whispered back, “I love you too” into the darkness. Moments later she felt a tear drop onto her arm and pulled him into her arms, holding him close. 

The mistakes they had made were endless and this beautiful moment was the light at the end of the never-ending hell tunnel they’d put themselves through. Finally, they were on the same page together and both were ready for the love only the other could provide.


	6. Chapter 6

Jim was floating on cloud 9. Was there such a thing as cloud 10? He was certain he was floating there. These tender, intimate, and honestly spicy moments proved to exceed all of his late night dreams about how this moment would happen with her. Sitting here with her now, he was overcome with pure love and devotion towards her. She was everything and he felt it coursing through his veins. He wasn’t sure how he’d endured his first day back in Scranton knowing what he now did, but he was elated he’d made it this long without taking her back to his apartment and showing her how much he appreciated her.

Jim wasn’t positive how long had passed, but kissing Pam and attempting to make plans while his brain struggled to keep up was harder than it appeared. He couldn’t keep his body off of hers whether it was their lips joined together or his hands skimming her waist wondering what she was hiding from him. He pulled back from her in a moment of weakness to finalize their plans in order to get to the remainder of the evening. He gazed at her like he was seeing her beauty for the first time and prayed it wouldn’t be the last.

She was his absolute downfall, but his muse in all he did. She could do everything wrong and he knew he’d forgive her time and time again. She had this way about her, like a siren calling out to him, like gravity pulling him in, and he was confident he would never leave her orbit again.  
Jim exited her car and cursed to himself as he bumped into her door, every cell in his body positively on fire and awaiting the next steps. He was so afraid of this new and fragile development in their relationship, that he agreed driving separately would be best and allow them to stay in this bubble a tad longer before the cameras (or Michael) caught on.

The drive to her apartment was quite therapeutic. It was the first time Jim had been alone all day and as he finally calmed his nerves a bit, he was able to process the extent of how tonight mattered. From the first step into the office, to the moments in the parking lot a few minutes prior, his head was spinning in the most sensational way. 

He pondered what her apartment looked like now that she lived alone. Were her walls adorned with framed prints of her family or of colorful and carefully curated painted pieces she’d created over the years? He knew she wouldn’t have planned for this moment and he almost loved that more than an intentional meeting. Now he could see her space for how she lived in it on a daily basis. The next however many hours were those that he’d been playing over in his mind for years. Yet, the most discernible difference in going after Pam this time versus Casino Night was the lack of Roy’s looming presence. A true blessing, he thought. 

He laughed quietly to himself as he noticed Pam’s eyes lock on his through her rearview mirror. It was an intimate moment. It reminded him of the family road trips he took as a child and looking into other traveler’s cars contemplating where they were going and what their lives looked like. Looking into Pam’s car and feeling the connection with her by way of her mirror made him feel like the world was less lonely than he’d previously thought. However, she was different and so was this. They were on a level of their own, unmatched by any relationship either had ever been in.

Jim followed her steps by flicking his blinker on to signal his turn. He was positive his face told a story of adoration, love, and loss all at once. He hoped she wouldn’t notice. She had that effect on him, but part of him still wanted to hold his cards a tad bit closer than normal...just in case.

He followed her down a two lane road into her apartment complex. It was older, but well kept and reminded him of his own bleak apartment in Stanford. He briefly pondered if she’d felt as lonely as he had while living alone. His mind refocused on the gravity of the moments he would experience tonight. Just little moments with a girl who no longer just saw him as a friend. God, no longer just a friend. He shivered at the thought, his dreams finally becoming reality.

He pulled into the first spot he found, shifted the gear into park, and was out of his car and beside hers before she’d put hers into park. He couldn’t have looked away from her if he tried. Her hair was messier than it had been this morning, her cheeks flushed, eyes wide and hopeful. She was stunning.

He moved out of her way as she gently opened the door and gathered her belongings, Noticing her hands trembling a bit, his own nerves settled a bit. He followed her once she motioned for him to, his mind catching up with his body's needs. He suddenly felt awkward and didn’t know what to do with his hands, but this was Pam, his body and mind would react accordingly soon enough.

He felt a shift in the air as they reached her apartment step. They would quite literally be taking a step in the right direction, both finally on the same page, neither running away from the other for once, their souls colliding with one another, molding together.

At her door, his left hand instinctively reached down to rest on her shoulder and his right rested on her waist where he comforted her by rubbing slow, sensual circles with his thumb.

Once his ears heard the lock click open, his mind began to race as he embarked on the single most important night of his life. His right hand pushed the door open ready for more of her kisses and for their lives to begin.

When they made it inside and Pam kicked the door back into place, he lost all semblance of control. She dropped her bag and pulled him towards her by his tie, but he had already begun his descent towards her sweet and soft lips. He pressed his body against hers, letting hers melt into him. 

His hands pressed firmly on the door above her head; his arms flexing slightly as his muscles went into overdrive; his moans no longer needing to be stifled as he gave into his instincts. He felt the fireworks going off. He had been told they’d go off when you met the one. This only confirmed what he already knew.

Jim couldn’t get enough of her hot, open mouthed kisses. He swore he was dreaming as the Pam he knew would have never given him so much already. He quickly pinched himself to prove this wasn’t a figment of his overactive imagination. Pam tilted her head slightly and he took that moment to come back to the present and pay attention to her smooth neck. It was only in the darkness of his room, late at night, that he gave in to fantasizing about her. He was quickly learning that he’d never done her enough justice.

He experimented with her, testing the waters for what set her off, and smiled into her warmed skin when she responded to the light biting and sucking on her neck. She sighed and he groaned, grasping her hands and pulling them up above her shoulders so he could hold her against the door.

The way she whimpered under his touch made him want to cry at the tension that had built up over the years. Endless days of noting everything she did, countless weeks of building a friendship that could be more than that, and innumerable months led them to this significant experience.

He wanted to weep at the way she interlaced her fingers with his and tightened his grip in fear she’d disappear before his eyes. Proving once again she was never his to fight for.

“You’re so incredible. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.” He found himself saying, hardly recognizing the roughness in his voice. Her shiver in response sent one of his own down his spine.

“I think I have an idea of sorts.” she responded and her kisses left him breathless.

____________________________________________________________________________

What felt like five minutes, but was an hour later, left her snuggling in close to him, her back against his chest. He felt her breathing slowing down from their activities and nuzzled her neck, covering a bare spot on her shoulder with his warm, swollen lips.

He brought his leg to rest gently atop hers, moving his foot slightly to massage the recently shaved skin there. His skin was cooling for the first time all day as Pam had tamed the flames within him.

He leisurely caressed her arm, letting his fingers trace her veins, and feeling the remnants of the quiver he felt go through her body.

She moved in closer and her sigh reminded him of the calm Pacific Ocean waves in Northern California: soothing, gentle, and calling to him as always.

He never wanted this relationship to end. He could be without everything else as long as he had her.

Pam turned in his arms, covering her chest, now full of post-bliss modesty. Jim gently smiled, hoping it wasn’t too forward of him to slowly pull the sheets away. He brushed his fingers along her waist and pulled her in closer to convey that she was just...everything. He struggled to remember a time when he’d ever been this content or connected. Pam was it for him. She was special in a way he’d never experienced before and always longed he would find. He paused before verbally expressing the emotions swirling around his mind, letting the “I love you” drip from his tongue like honey.

Her body stilled and he briefly felt his stomach drop, in fear of another rejection. He stared at her awaiting her response, anticipating what her response would be, and hoping it matched his. He willed her courage to communicate what he was sure she’d always wanted to.

The longer she was quiet, the more he contemplated all he’d messed up. He’d barely had her before she was gone again. He tightened his grip on her hip slightly just in case this was the last time he’d be able to feel her in his hands. 

When the tears streaked down her cheeks and she whispered that she loved him back, he felt his own emotions come to the surface. His own tears mixed with hers as he continued to form their bodies into one.

The smile on his face as he held his love close was unmistakably full of immense adoration. They had both finally shown each other their hearts, allowing the mishaps of the past to be forgiven and the next chapter of their story to officially commence.


End file.
